What does this say about me?

I'm a fidelity-loving kind of girl. Not a serial dater, or a serial cheater. I'm a person who values trust, honesty, virtue. I don't have a lot of sympathy for the "player" type of guy or girl. In real life, that is.

On soaps, on the other hand, the long-standing, perfect, twu wuv couples drive me nuts. I find myself rooting for the plot-device temptress to steal the hero away from his just-married bliss. It's boring to watch two people be perfect for each other day after day. It's far more entertaining when they mix it up, throw obstacles in the way of happiness, hold a little information back so that it can be used to separate an otherwise "unseparateable" couple.

In the interest of full disclosure, and because I've basically admitted to an extreme case of "shallow-itis" already, I record three soaps everyday on my DVR. I've watched As the Word Turns and Guiding Light for years. I recently added General Hospital to the mix. (And that doesn't even cover the soaps I have a pretty good working knowledge of, the ones I catch from time to time).

I love a good drama. And I can appreciate soaps for what they are: mindless, fun and diversionary. I don' t like it when they tackle "issues." (They aren't meant to be deep, and I don't like it when they feign to be). I like them best when they are high on melodrama, teeming with scandal and letting the love of a good woman redeem the otherwise unredeemable. Unlike some soap watchers, I realize it isn't real, there really isn't a Port Charles or an Oakdale and that the choices these people make don't hurt or help people in the real world.

On General Hospital right now we have a couple, Jax and Courtney, who just got married this summer (which in soap time could possibly have been 1994, as things seem to fly by or go slow at the will of the writers), and are already separating due to their inability to get pregnant and then their inability to withstand the pressures of hiring and supporting a surrogate to carry their baby (a surrogate, by the way, who used her own egg in this process, which just seems implausible and wrong on so many levels. . . but it is, after all, a soap and not real. . . so I'll follow my own advice and suspend disbelief). Suddenly, Courtney was thrown into the path of a male character (Nikolas Cassadine, a Russian prince who lives in Port Charles, New York. Yeah. And whose wife was raped by his doppelganger [and she can't get over it. How dare she.] while Nik was in prison for allegedly killing his evil grandmother who tried to kill his young bride earlier. I know!) constantly and they shared "woe is me" stories and laughed and understood each other and convinced each other that their spouses were wrong for them and they were right for each other and BOOM, two marriages, not even a year old in one case and barely two months old in the other, were over.

And I loved it. Isn't that horrible? I loved the furtive glances and the crying and scandal and hurt feelings. I didn't even think twice about it. I loved that they were mixing it up. It didn't have to make sense. It was just good drama.

In so many ways it feels like this is what my father warned me about when he said that TV and movies would "numb" me to the sins of the world. That things like cheating on a spouse or lying or any of the other preached against sins would start to seem "okay" if I watched them enough and accepted them as the actions of someone I was rooting for.

I understand this logic, and I see where those who use it are coming from. But at the same time, as I take stock of my current beliefs and core values, I find that I still think cheating is wrong, I still don't think lying and stealing are okay past times. I won't be any more likely to marry someone and two months later run off with a Russian prince when my husband and I can't conceive. If anything, it reinforces the idiocy of poor choices and the negative consequences associated with them. It's just fun to watch it all happen. What do you think?

TV show obsessions are meant to be shared

It's frustrating to like a TV show when no one else watches it. There's no one to call up the next day and say "Can you believe they did that?" or to invite over for the season premiere or finale. Watching TV shows with like-minded friends is one of life's greatest pleasures. So to love one that no one else seems to be able to jump on the bandwagon about (or has gotten around to jumping on the band wagon about) is difficult.

Take Veronica Mars. Why more people aren't watching Veronica Mars is a great mystery to me. It has everything a good TV show should---intrigue, humor, tragedy, cultural relevance, pretty people, good music---and yet no one I know is into it. It is on UPN. And until recently, unavailable (at least as far as I'm aware) in Lincoln, Nebraska. (And even now that it is available it's on channel 110.) It's also on at the same time as Lost, another show with a cult following that grabs huge ratings.

However, last night my friend (and maybe yours) Scott agreed to begin the indoctrinization process for Veronica Mars viewership. He seemed to like it, laughed in the places I think are funny and seemed to appreciate the various "reveals" the show throws at the viewer. It wasn't until he was sitting on my couch watching the show with me that I realized how validating it can be to share that type of experience with someone.

While it's no Veronica Mars, I got very into TBS reruns of Dawson's Creek about a year ago. I hadn't really kept up with the show while it was on TV the first time around, so the reruns were basically all new to me. I half-forced another friend to sit and watch an episode with me just to have someone to share in the Dawson Leery hate and the Joey Potter/Pacey Witter love. This friend (and maybe yours) Jacque took up the DC obsession and also set her DVR to record it during the day. She came over one Sunday and we watched an entire season of DC to catch her up on some of what she'd missed. (Yes, grown ups with decent jobs and relatively normal social lives, spent an entire day watching a somewhat cheesy and deeply flawed WB drama and loved it!) We would sometimes call each other after a particularly disturbing Dawson Leery scene and talk for extended periods of time about how much we loathed the idea of Dawson as hero of the show. While I probably would have enjoyed the occasional DC episode without Jacque's dedicated involvement, it was far more fun to have a partner in embarrassment and obsession.

So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Scott takes up the Veronica Mars cross and is willing to share enjoyment of it. (I don't want to scare him away from it, however. So Scott, if you are reading this, I promise you don't have to spend an entire Sunday watching it with me, and we don't have to talk about it on the phone. Pinky swear). It's just more fun that way.

Oh, and by the way, if you've not gone to www.televisionwithoutpity.com, you should. Until someone does take up my Veronica Mars obsession I enjoy reading the witty commentary by the TWoP writers. I discovered that Web site during the DC phase, and thoroughly enjoyed their archived recaps of the Dawson's Creek episodes. (I highly recommend them to anyone with Dawson Leery issues.)

In Defense of Being Shallow (the television edition)

A quick way to get me to walk away from a new conversation (or at least to mentally check out of it) is to hear the words "I don't really watch a lot of TV." That statement is usually accompanied by a look of slight disdain and a turning up of the nose and an air of moral superiority. It rarely means the person doesn't have time to watch TV, because I've found that if you want to watch TV, you always have the time. And I've also found that people who don't have a lot of free time for TV watching, but would if they did, rarely go on and on about it at parties or on first dates or other occasions of awkward and weird getting-to-know-you conversation.

The people who "don't really watch a lot of TV" usually have a pretty significant judgment about the people who do. TV watching to them is usually equated with the death of civilization, or at the very least, a significant reduction in brain cells. They think we all have better things we could be doing or should be doing with our time than watching TV.

It's hard to argue with them, because in theory they are right. (In theory communism is also a great idea, too . . . but that doesn't make it practical.) I'm sure there is a young girl I could be a "big sister" to, or an organization that could use my volunteer hours in some way. And I'm certainly not knocking people who selflessly give their free time to "causes". (Clearly I carry some guilt about not being one of those people, or I wouldn't even bother writing this, would I?)

But this is what I know. At the end of a long day I know how I need to spend my time in order to get through another long day tomorrow. And I don't think there's any shame in going home to retrieve the soap operas off my DVR and curling up with a good melodrama to wash away the stress of the day. I don't think there's anything wrong with looking forward to Lost or getting giddy thinking about the newest episode of Veronica Mars. Call me shallow, and many do, but the escape of watching other people's problems (even if they're fake and made up for my enjoyment) crafted into engaging television is my favorite part of the day.

And just like I don't turn my nose up when someone mentions that they volunteer at the library or go to a Bible study or attend poetry readings with their free time, I'd appreciate a little reciprocal kindness in regard to my "hobby." I don't want to have to whisper about it anymore like it's a cocaine habit. I don't want to have to ferret out fellow TV addicts with secret knocks and code words anymore. In the past few years I've "outed" a number of closeted TV lovers, grateful to finally have someone else to talk about their favorite soap or comedy or reality TV show with.

Shallow may not save the world, but it just may save my job and my sanity. I doubt I will be receiving any lifetime achievement awards for my dedication to Arrested Development, but that's okay. So stop treating me like I have some sort of disease. You have your time wasters, and I have mine. Just because you don't do it doesn't make it wrong. And just because so called "intellectuals" don't encourage it, doesn't make it stupid.